My mother-in-law passed away May 2009. You get to live your life. I realize that the surviving partner may not be used to being alone and may feel the need to begin dating before the rest of the family is ready but it is important for them to take into consideration how the other family members feel about it if they dont want to damage their current relationships. We all brought pizzas over and his girlfriend brought cookies & fudge, etc. He may try to replace your mother in his life with anotherbut after that many years of marriage, he will never be able to. She is playing games, encouraging him and then telling him not to call her any more. And another thing that I've found very important is to let her remember, and when her memories start making her sad, try - through how you speak to her and interact with her - to turn them into something to be treasured and happy for. So I guess that is the short version of my story. Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. When my wife shot herself, I felt abandoned; I thought I would never be able to trust anyone again, especially a woman. She was after my father for 40 years! Loss impact every person in a different way and we all need to process that loss. The trust has gone and the innocence. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. You can petition the court to be named executor. I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Mother died quite young age at kyle field. Recently, she took out a stack of cards she had received over the course of the pandemic and told me how she looks at them and rereads them all the time. Around sept 2022 I mentioned to my mom we were applying places and getting ready to move out as we were outgrowing the space we had there. After my mother died seven years ago at 84, my father didnt want to live in their house alone. Yes it is about my happiness but my family does come first. Ask her what paperwork/admin you can help her with. I feel very unwelcome there in fact have been there about three times since they married last sept. the whole situation makes me sick. We consider ourselves nothing short of blessed to have met and enjoy each other so much. My sisters have been amazing as well. She and my Dad had been married for 41 years and I have to credit him for sticking by her side through her long illness. Well, I walked into the church and she was standing there, waiting to begin the procession. He lives alone just waiting for her to phone or say she will visit him. I do not know what I would do without my loving husbands support. My dad started using Facebook and was always on it. 3 weeks later he started dating a woman 15 years younger than he from church. I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. If you read this could you message me in the hope that we can help each other ? They are accepting of his new relationship whereas I am not. He has brought her to birthdays for our grandkids and kids. Id take him out to sporting events of our favorite teams. and Crickets. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. Now I am being watched if I try to manage his checking account They dont live together yet. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. He felt it was no big deal, couldnt understand why my feelings/my daughters were so hurt, we should get over it, its bullshit (his word)we were so upset etc. It was two years before my mom really started to be like normal again and another year after that before she really started to seem like she was in charge of her own destiny again. Not once did she admit any wrong doing or remorse for her callusness or for disrespecting my mothers memory. Some of you expressed concern about the relationships being too soon, and I agree with some of you, but especially men that depended completely n their wives, have been married for a long time dont want to be alone. In my case so far all my teenage and adult life. He has tried to give me the other womans phone number and told me to call him there. Cheap internet dating aside. Now, friends and she permed and we share a picture of a support group a few months ago. The following year I asked her not to do that as I did not want to put anyone to any trouble. My aunts son married a girl from the Philippines and after he died the daughter in law was always writing asking for money for various family crisis. I told him flat-out that if he did want to be alone for a bit, which is fine, that he needed to be very careful of the difference between grief, and self-pity. After the services concluded, I assumed that my role was to be a constant source of funa natural assumption for a 13-year-old. We loved our spouses with all of our hearts, we dedicated our life to them and to the children. Every person mourns in different ways, intensity and time. I quickly looked at my dad and told him that her body wasnt even cold and she hadnt been cremated yet. PRIOR TO MY MUM HAD DIED MY BROTHER MOVED IN AND MARRIED A PHILLPINE I read your posted comments , and I understand many of your worries and fears for the person that you love, and the one that could become part of your family. Can you find a friend who will just listen and not judge? This is why is pains me to see my mother move on so soon 5 months later. They only spend week-ends together and during the week they are at their respective homes but she is now entitled to his pension. I knew he was dating but he had never told me, id even met his girlfriend and he told me she was a friend. I explained to him that Ill miss him because I wont ever be able to make the trip due to my financial situation. All the things they believed about their parents lifetime of loving are shattered. The problem is most likely with yourselfit almost always is, you know. Honestly, Id rather stick a fork in my eye than talk to her. Funny I said to my husband recently that if someone had said to me that for the amount of money I may inherit I could have not gone through 35 years of trauma I would gladly have given up the cash. I started dating her. It was as though this terrible thing happened and now nothing could be right. Everyone in the community remembers my Mom and tells me what a sweet lady she was and for that I am grateful that people have such fond memories of her. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. I certainly dont want to run his life. Good luck and goodbye Mother Dear! In my personal situation, my dad announced to me within weeks that he wanted to have an intimate relationship with an old friend of theirs. How dare anyone pass judgement on me? My dad died in 2006, and they had been together over 40 years. But for you being a young widow I think its astounding how you understand both sides of love and death now and like you said you can date and love someone again while at the same time never forgetting your first husband. My dad was on CLOUD 9! She could care less. Is this legal? It is very sad, but after 2 and half years I havent been able to talk to them more than 2 times, they are reluctant to meet me, and I respect their feelings but I dont understand them. I wanted everyone to treat me as if nothing had happened. Even if this new romance proves long- lived and even if the person turns out to have an admirable and loveable character- the damage has been done. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: The lack of consideration for our feelings is slowly breaking up our relationship with her. This in the nurse. Remember him WITH her - try very hard to remember little things. You would also have to charge your sister rent for living in the house, and you would eventually have to divide the house and your parents' other assets equally among your siblings. We moved slowly within the relationship as we were concerned about his grieving process and that I become comfortable with the process too. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. Did it make me angry at her? My phone bill is about $400 a month. I was extremely happy, but the same probably couldnt be said for him. My mom died Nov. 22, 2008 and one of her friends that gave remarks at the funeral is now pursuing my Dad. I felt such resentment towards my father-in-law because I had tried to accept openly welcome Irene as a part of our new family picture to preserve the family and to have this kind of thing done so childishly behind my husbands back was just too much for us. I understand he has to get on with his life but he picked the first thing that came along and I think he feels like he has to settle because of his facial/body disfigurments. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. She makes her own clothes she has no job she lives in a room in her sisters house where she is the primary caregiver for their mom when all the sisters are at work. Not only did he lose his mother but his stepdad was living it up laughing and smiling as if hed won the lottery. I finally started having dinner myself on the Sunday after Thanksgiving and having them and my brother over. My kids were. 6 months after her death, my father announced that he had been dating a new woman and asked if my wife and I wanted to meet her. We try to maintain as civil a relationship with him as possible we all live several hours from my dad and have learned to avoid certain conversation topics with my dad because theyll result in huge fights. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. Minister here. I dont think that he was very tactful when he delivered the news of our engagement to them and I dont think they expected that he was going to propose after 2 1/2 years, but why not? Not trying to be a prick here - but if you could do and IAMA after this ordeal is over I would appreciate it for one as it will show me how people get on with their lives after a loss of soulmate. It was so hard to get him out of the house in general :(. The situation of being out of control brought me to the edge of anorexia. To me that is the ultimate low in character. Forcing a new person on a family who are still going through that process with scant regard for their emotional state is not a thing that should be embarked on lightly. i have this new family, why was it bad I wanted my own space with my little family? They were married 6 years when Dad died. I have dealt with my dad by having my time with him we have a set luncheon date once a week and we have a set day once a week to spend with each other. I choose to see it in a positive light. When all of this was happening, I went numb. He claimed that their marriage had been difficult for about 5 years and that my mother-in-law would treat him very badly when they were home alone. I cant believe that he is moving on this quick. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. When Dad first died, I told everyone that I didn't want to talk about it. It made a HUGE difference and was probably the single biggest thing besides time that helped her move on. Psychologically, knowing that the visit is almost resented because I am not her is hard going. I still live in my fathers home with my husband and fur babies. I am in the same situation. Not only that, even if things got better between her and I, I would feel like a traitor to my own mother. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. Wake up, Bob!. In November I found out he met another woman online and was planning to move in with her once I graduated college. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? I have not felt more alive than when I stepped outside of mycomfort zone to do things I wouldn't have normally done. My children were not happy that I told them I was dating, they were hurt and angry. I didnt feel resentment anymore, and it helped that the lady hes seeing is a lovely classy lady who I am quite fond of, and this doesnt feel like an intrusion into my family, the way it used to. She gets mad at him on every account. Its all about her family and that is what hurts. Or is too much? He pretty much worked up until he died. And perhaps he will be aware of his insensitivity to you in addressing this lady by calling her Angel, etc. My father started dating a woman this summer. I am also dealing with the situation of my father being remarried after my Mom passed away. But it seems that for right now, what makes him feel better is pushing our family apart. He still is helping me with money and will send me checks to help me pay for things since Im completely on my own now but the dad that I had growing up is pretty much gone. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. Your mother will always be your mother no matter what, and no matter who else comes into your life or your fathers life. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! On the ride home, my dad asked, What do you think of my friend? But my brother was living with his girlfriend for four years and my father still called my brothers girlfriend a friend so the semantics dont tell me anything. I have a huge problem with this. My Mom was known for wearing rings, and instead of asking my sister an I and his grand daughters and great granddaughters about them. In addition to wanting you to be happy she would want her entire family.all of her children and everyone they are in relationship with to treat one another with love, kindness, respect and consideration. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. His parents (mom and stepdad) were married for 25 years. My family and I are working through grieving my mother who died in spring of 2015 after an 18 month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. We are a tiny island and so property prices will always be high even now when property and land has dropped substantially. I met this wonderful man who I could talk very easily about my feelings of lost of my late husband and he could do the same with me. So Girlfriend, I guess no one can have any sympathy for you or take your message and somehow change the way we really feel because you need to have a companion in your old age. I wouldnt have even known, except I checked on the plan today to find it all for me to see.. She is also apparently data-greedy.and has used almost 2 gb of our shared 6 gb data in 10 days what the heck is she streaming? Sure, it might be well-intentioned, but it can feel empty. How could my father do this to me, the memory of my mom!!?? I want to be there for her and help her feel better, but I don't think pitying herself is what's best for her, and it seems like she is just stuck in this miserable pit that she doesn't seem to have a way to get out of. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. Every mans dream, right? That is the way my dad is acting and I hate it! Definitely this. I feel okay about my behavior through it all as I only ever told him the truth about how I felt, I never yelled or lost my temper. I was married for 24 years, had a familly and it began to grow. I only would like some acceptance and respect. if I only paid for myself and my husband its be a lot less. Do you get what I am trying to say? Then we get an email from our dad on new policies of his home,on what we can do and cant do, to what bathroom you can use that is another story in itself. I had a long talk with him the other day and tried to explain that his relationship with my sister has gotten worse and worse over the years and if he fails to go to her wedding, it will be another big wedge between them. the ex son in law immediately brought a new woman on the scene, he had asked my daughter for a divorce after 28 years of marriage. She just needs a shoulder to cry on and be. The pain of losing my mother has quadrupled as a result of his behavior. I cant pretend to like someone. While you want your father to find happiness and companionship, it also feels threatening to the memory of your mother, and an intrusion to your family unit as it was. When my Mom was alive, she enjoyed cooking and having her family over to eat. This is how involved she is with her family. Your Mom needs to go get a job. Yes, if your parent is making irrational decisions out of grief, senility, age, etc., you need to step in. I know it is selfish of me to feel this way and my dad deserves to be happy. I rarely see him these days, even though we live in the same house. However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. Add to this that she and my dad (who had been seeing each other) over the course of a couple of months and broke us, got back together, broke up, got back together. She has made Dad chose between his family and hers. Mom was worried that he would pine away when she died. On another occasion she said Id never noticed what fat arms you have.. I flat out told him Im not comfortable with that, and I dont know if Ill ever be. I recall one of them telling my mom he was dead upon their arrival. You may both begin to But, it has been tough.

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